By this point, you may be wondering what happened to me. That is, IF you were reading my blog and saw that I began posting 1-2 times per week and was suddenly gone. Maybe you thought, where are the wonderful stories she promised?
I'm going to be honest with you. October still isn't the best month for me. Right after I wrote that last post, I starting remembering some of the most painful memories of my life and missing Hope again. I wondered how I could write about my heart being healed while I was dealing with this. Had I been a hypocrite to say that my heart was completely healed? I think the enemy used this time of weakness to tempt me once again to shut down and shut up. Not only did he try to make me think that I had lied about this part of my healing, but he tried to point out every other weakness in my life and make me doubt that I could do what God is calling me to do. Anything he could do to stop me from giving God the glory. To stop me from sharing my story.
You know what, that's it! I have had it! God told me to start this blog so that I could be a part of setting others free. The truth is, we'd all be waiting an awfully long time - like forever! - if we waited until we were perfect before we began to do what we're called to. My imperfections don't make me a hypocrite. In fact, that's one of the amazing things that God does - He loves to use flawed, weak things of this world to showcase His power! As Paul says, I would rather glory in my weaknesses because when I am weak, then He is strong! (II Cor. 12:9)
God also reminded me that He who had begun a good work in me is faithful to complete it (Phil. 1:6). The enemy loves to point out all the areas that we are in any sort of lack. But God says to keep our eyes on him, and to rest in him, so that he can do all of the work. The minute we look at those areas of weakness, and choose doubt over faith (believing in the unseen) is the minute we stop allowing God to work.
God told everyone to be witnesses and to share their stories - his story - with the world. Yes, God healed my heart, and yes God is still healing me! As I share my story and more healing unfolds, you can be part of the process too. The beauty is in the process, in the journey. I haven't arrived, but God is still using me, and enjoying my growth, so why shouldn't I?
Let's get back to the example of grief. When I say that my heart was healed of grief, I don't mean that I don't ever miss Hope or that I've completely forgotten those painful memories of October (the month that we were fighting for her life). Of course I will always miss her deeply because that is the price you pay for love! And there will be bits of sadness every now and then. But the symptoms of grief and PTSD that caused me to be unable to cope with certain situations, created nightmares, made me sick, and at times, kept me from being able to function and care for my family are gone! And did you know that God can replace your awful memories with good ones and show you where he was with you at the time?? Yes, it's true! He's given me visions of Hope to replace some of the bad scenes, but I'm sure there are still more scenes that could use healing.
Ok, that's it for now. I look forward to getting back with you really soon and sharing the exciting, amazing things that God did to restore my soul!